How many times do you say that a day? A week? How often does guilt drive your actions in
over-doing, over-giving, and being over-responsible?How often is “I feel guilty” the justification
to beat yourself up?I felt compelled to write tonight about guilt as
I read an email from a good friend starting with
“I feel so guilty I have not been able to do those
things for you…”My friend’s small children had a wave of a summer
flu and she and her husband had been straight out
taking care of them. Nothing she had offered to
do for me was urgent or set in stone. I had no
expectations.But there it was, unbeknownst to me, she had been
feeling guilty for 2 weeks!Here is the exact note I sent her
back (yes, this is how I talk to my friends)
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My letter to my friendTiny Tina, (I am a nickname person)GUILT IS FOR PEOPLE PLEASERS! I try to remind myself that it is just a learned
habit to feel guilty! You have to unlearn it. Your health depends on it and it’s not nothing.
It is destructive and I don’t want you walking
around with that vibe! I love you too much!In case you are ready to argue with me…Yes, people ask me, “Well, what if you agreed to do
something for someone, like babysit their kid and
then can’t due to circumstances?” Do you just say, “too bad!” with no feeling? It’s okay to apologize and mean it, “I am so sorry I
am not able to do that for you.” But guilt is necessary. It’s like saying that it’s not enough to give a real heartfelt
apology or to have actual reasons. NO! We also must punish
ourselves because we broke the internal vow to never say no,
or to never let anyone down. So GUILT happens. Guilt is the ultimate “open all day buffet” of self-punishment.
No one needs to be home, or even say a word, and you can just
keep helping yourself to more servings. This DUMB guilt and, BTW, there is never really any end point
to it….10 years, you can say, “yup, I still feel guilty!” Now, when we intentionally hurt someone or break our word
to someone without cause, we will and should feel crappy
and probably guilty. This is your inner sense of honor compelling you to make
things right, apologize and make it up to the person, etc.
When we do what is right, the crappy feeling goes away.

This is honorable guilt, if you can call it that. It is
higher self drive to make things right, examine our actions and
motivations and dang it, be a better person. More people on TV should feel this! Ha ha! Honorable guilt goes away when the action is taken. So please watch the habit around “I feel guilty” because
I will beat you with a ruler if I catch it again and
schedule an “intervention” that will be extremely
embarrasing and awkward for all of us. I may even
beat you with the ruler at the intervention. Seriously, I know you think it is harmless but it is
NOT harmless! It is harmful and I won’t have it!
(getting pushy now!)Also remember that when you think of someone and feel guilty,
it also means you resent them, or will resent them. So stop resenting me BEEEATTCH! Ha ha! And stop being such a dang People Pleaser! Guilt
means you are operating in People Pleaser mode and that’s
just eeewway! Wow, this “I care about you letter” sure took a turn
for the worse at the end! Love,
M
********************************************Okay, so now you know how I talk to my friends…
and hopefully got a lesson about guilt.Let’s do some tapping…Think of your favorite “I feel guilty/bad because…”
story – I am sure you have several to choose from!
Start tapping through all points you like to use:I feel so guilty
guilty, guilty, guilty
and I should feel guilty,
Guilty and bad,ya,I should feel bad
shouldn’t I?
I mean I could have done more
I should have given more
I should be taking care of that
they desperately need me
I feel so guilty
Even though circumstances got in the way
even though it was beyond my control
I still feel bad, guilty, a bad person!
oh yes, I do this many times a day
about so many different things.
Guilt over here, guilt over there
Guilt in a box, Guilt with a fox
Dr. Suess’s next book, right here!
I am a world class guilt machine
amazing I have not been dragged
through the streets yet
publicly called out for all my bad guilty deeds
and all the things I don’t do!
I probably should be!
SO guilty and I am so right about being guilty
I am right about this.
and it’s working for me
actually it’s not, cause I can never win!
No matter what I do, how hard I work
I end up feeling guilty about something
and I do resent it!
Guilt drives my actions and decisions!
that really stinks!
But what if it’s just a habit?
what if it’s not real?
What if I have created the story
and keep it going?
What if I could right NOW challenge guilt?
I challenge this story!
Do I really deserve to feel all this guilt?
to beat myself up long AFTER each situation passes?
To bludgeon myself even when the other person
is hardly impacted or let down?
NO, I say NO to this habit.
It drains me and pains me
UNNECESSARILY.
Yes, it is completely unncessary pain
I see that too!
I am breathing out guilt like black icky smoke
and breathing in beautiful clean vibe of
I am awesome, I am honorable, I am compassionate
I love that about me
I am a giver, a lover, a helper
I love that about me
I am strong and sacrificing for those I love
I love that about me
And I remember that guilt has NO PLACE
in a heart and soul like mine!
and that is the DANG TRUTH!
I chose to honor and love myself today
And tomorrow, when guilt comes to play
I will love myself again!
this is my new habit
and it IS working for me!
Well, that was fun! Rinse and repeat!XOXO,
Margaret